People in love make me want to vomit
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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