It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
