my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
