is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.