So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
