Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.

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  (845): Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science. http://tfl.nu/ee2g
  Replies (20) Good night (7011) Bad night (687)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.

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  (+44): He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine. http://tfl.nu/yc2p
  Replies (11) Good night (4545) Bad night (989)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.

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  (813): If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing. http://tfl.nu/gg1f
  Replies (26) Good night (6122) Bad night (950)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?

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  (817): He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here? http://tfl.nu/lydo
  Replies (20) Good night (4367) Bad night (2014)
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  (626): View more from California

  and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22

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  (626): and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22 http://tfl.nu/80gs
  Replies (3) Good night (3191) Bad night (1061)
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  (654): View more from

  And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.

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  (654): And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out. http://tfl.nu/4u7j
  Replies (5) Good night (2380) Bad night (820)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me

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  (703): No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me http://tfl.nu/mnmv
  Replies (5) Good night (2595) Bad night (654)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.

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  (902): figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it. http://tfl.nu/pdw3
  Replies (5) Good night (524) Bad night (1188)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now

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  (612): New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now http://tfl.nu/fnbr
  Replies (11) Good night (1957) Bad night (551)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang

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  (603): You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang http://tfl.nu/srl1
  Replies (0) Good night (738) Bad night (411)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.

  (1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Not the worst first impression I've experienced.

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  (724): Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face. (1-724): Not the worst first impression I've experienced. http://tfl.nu/reln
  Replies (3) Good night (694) Bad night (327)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.

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  (203): I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do. http://tfl.nu/63i1
  Replies (5) Good night (630) Bad night (385)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.

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  (337): Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay. http://tfl.nu/fteh
  Replies (1) Good night (246) Bad night (524)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?

  (1-715): View more from Wisconsin

  I think that about sums it up, actually.

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  (715): I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain? (1-715): I think that about sums it up, actually. http://tfl.nu/mxnz
  Replies (10) Good night (975) Bad night (259)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.

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  (941): It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone. http://tfl.nu/ovby
  Replies (0) Good night (276) Bad night (330)

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