my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
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