I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
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He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
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Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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