Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.