So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"