i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
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He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
