i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
