No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize