Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
