Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person

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(317): View more from Indiana

I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.

(260): View more from Indiana

He probs deserved it.

(317): View more from Indiana

Every good man does.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.

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(850): View more from Florida

does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(912): View more from Georgia

I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.

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(520): View more from Arizona

He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.

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(207): View more from Maine

i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.

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