If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
was it more than 30 minutes?
then you're in a relationship
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.