The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
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Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
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Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one