i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.