so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it