Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.