we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
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would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
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Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.