I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize