If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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