i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
