I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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