i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
