wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
