grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
