home. puking in laundry basket.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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