Im at strip club and am horny
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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