She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
