I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize
