Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
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We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
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I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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