there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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