it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
