she smelled like a LAN party
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
