That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
