yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
