I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
