Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
