i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
