Having a random hookup so left but love u
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
