Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have feelings that need drinking.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
