Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
