You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
