i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
