Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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