I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize