matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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