We named our party play list daddy issues
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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