If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
