First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
