Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My penis needs a shock collar
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
