he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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