She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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