You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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