Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
