i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
