What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.