Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
