I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick