I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops