he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
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i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
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sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.