And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.