And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.