She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns