scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
