I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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