Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS