I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.