we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.