Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.