He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.