so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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