You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
