U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
