Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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