someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
And then my night got REAL pukey