Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!