my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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