I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
