Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
