OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
