Will you blow on my dice?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
