I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
