He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
50% drunk capacity currently
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
