..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
