It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
