okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
