dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
